Balance (first post)

Sitting on my couch, I count back ten weeks since I first flew into Tokyo. It’s hard to believe it hasn’t been longer. My room is artificially lit, and the curtains are drawn to shut out the unfamiliar world outside. I am wrapped in a blanket, sitting beside a tissue box and a water bottle. I turn off my phone and stare blankly at the screen in front of me. The fifth season of Gilmore Girls is playing. After a few restless moments, I check my phone again. All my friends back home are asleep. I scroll back on my camera roll as I listen to the soothing theme music.

I am walking up a crowded street, passing by vendors selling green tea, red bean crepes, paper fans and tee-shirts. The friends I had met in the last two months, Tessa and Charley, are walking beside me. I am determined to get past the vendors so I can show them my favourite place in Kyoto. We laugh and talk about our weekend plans. It’s crazy how a shared experience, such as living abroad, can bring people together so quickly. As I listen to Tessa tell a story, I feel like I have known her for years. The Autumn sun guides us to the top of the hill and the vendors become more sparse. The great, ancient temple is finally before us. Looking over the side of the temple, I am in awe of a sea of green, red and orange leaves. Tiny tourists walk around a small koi pond far below us. On the hill across from where we stand, Tessa points out a smaller red temple almost hidden by the trees. The smell of incense drifts past us. This moment reminds me why I left home and fills me with a sense of joy and peace.

This is a glimpse of two experiences I have had living and teaching full-time in Japan. Living here has given me very dark days where I feel entirely alone and completely out of place. Some days I am so bored, yet I can’t bring myself to do anything. On other days, I pretend I am somewhere else. I cry on the phone to my parents, telling them how my whole life has changed, that I work too much, how lonely I am, or that I am tired of everything being unfamiliar. After days of feeling this way, it only takes one good day to set me back on my feet and remind me of why I chose to move here. The good days are great; they remind me that I am living in a beautiful country and growing as an individual.

There is a delicate balance in my life here. I have more gratitude for the good days because of the bad days. I have hope during the bad days because of the good days. In this blog, I hope to write about both. There will be posts about the hard times because living abroad is not easy, and I want to share those difficulties and practice being vulnerable. I will also write about my good experiences because I love Japan and want to share its beauty. I believe it is a place everyone should visit at least once.